


Confessions of a Pregnant Lawyer

by Y2K_REBIRTH



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: DRAMATIC STARS, Gen, Mpreg?, Not Serious, SideM, Technically?, this website won't let me tag this as FRAME what the hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 02:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15985538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Y2K_REBIRTH/pseuds/Y2K_REBIRTH
Summary: Local and beloved idol Teru Tendo's world turns upside down when he finds out that he is pregante. It is now up to a squadron of singing homosexuals to uncover the mysteries surrounding this strange event.





	Confessions of a Pregnant Lawyer

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this as practice. Don't actually read this.

Seiji stared intently at the screen in front of him. Amane was at school and he had the entirety of his humble little apartment to himself, giving him time to relax a bit. His plans were interrupted, however, when a frantic and sweaty Ryu busted in with no warning. “Seiji!” he shouted, “I've been looking everywhere for you! Producer's hosting an emergency meeting and he wants everyone eighteen and up over there immediately!” 

Seiji wasn't expecting company and scrambled to turn off the television as quickly as possible. Ryu approached him and gazed at it with a puzzled look on his face. “What are you watching, Seiji?” Ryu stuck his head over his unitmate's shoulder and pointed at a logo in the corner of the screen. “What's randy blue?”

“Oh, er, you know, sports.” answered Seji. He didn't look Ryu in the eyes.

\--

The pair of idols entered the 315 industries headquarters and were greeted with an atmosphere riddled with both hostility and tension. Their coworkers were huddled into various cliques, their faces sporting different amounts of confusion and unease over the events that would soon unfold inside this cramped little building. It was quiet, aside from the occasional nervous whispering of the more talkative idols. Ryu and Seiji awkwardly exchanged glances with everyone in the building like a pair of anxious students late to class. In a far off corner was Hideo, unsure yet determined. They approached him first.

“Psst, Hideo. What's going on over here?” asked Ryu, in a whisper that failed its intended and stealthy purpose so badly that it had managed to be heard everyone in the building, everyone in the next building, everyone in the next next building, and Aqours. Hideo flashed them a quick smile with an appearance that would best be described as ´chainsaw-esque´. “Well,” he stated, firmly yet slightly unsurely, “because it's an emergency meeting and a lot of folks are here, I thought it would be best for me to stay on guard in case anything gets out of hand.” 

Ryu felt proud at his friend's selfless behavior, but Seiji had his concerns. 

“Why did you handcuff ken to a pole?” he asked. 

“I don't know, but it just felt right somehow.” 

Seiji still wasn't satisfied at his answer. “And why are you handcuffed to Ken?” 

Hideo looked at the second pair of handcuffs as if he had forgotten their presence entirely. “Well, someone has to watch over him.” 

Ken didn't mind the questions and smiled warmly at the large man. “My existence is suffering.”

Seiji was about to ask why there was a random pole in the office, but was interrupted by the producer unceremoniously entering the building. He was hauling a large dog crate into the room that violently shook from side to side. A squeaky voice could be heard protesting. “Hey! Let me-owt of here!” it shouted, to no avail. The producer straightened his back out and resumed ignoring it. He looked at the Frame trio and nodded to himself. “Alright, that should be everyone. We can now officially begin the meeting.” Several fuzzy tufts of pink and green could be seen sticking out of the cage, with its contents continuing to squeak in annoyance. Shoma and Kuro looked at each other for several seconds and then did nothing, out of an unspoken agreement that things were better this way.

The producer then walked to the center of the room and cleared his throat. Most of the idols were sitting on the perimeter, and the few that weren't moved to better receive their boss´ announcement. All of them except one, who remained seated with a look of total resignation. 

“Gentlemen, we are gathered here today because someone,” he glared at Teru, “couldn't keep their legs shut. To be more specific, Teru Tendo is pregnant, and we are here to find out who the baby daddy is.” 

The idols around the room erupted into a sea of emotions. Bewilderment, doubt, and fear were the most common. Some of the more optimistic ones congratulated him. Teru's voice could be heard above the others, emitting groans of hopelessness. He couldn't look a single one of them in the eye. He was quickly slipping into a state of total despair and was unable to respond to the volley of questions all around him. 

At a corner of the room Michio and Minori took to working hard to solving the mystery. One of the office's many whiteboards was soon a host to Michio's storm of scribbling. Minori was listing off various bits of terminology and descriptions while Michio wrote them down as neat graphs, along with the names of everyone present. Both of them were working at incredible speeds without breaking a sweat, working in perfect synchronization.

Kaoru strode to the duo and crossed his arms in confusion. Most of the idols were getting into passionate conversations with each other over Teru, so why were they acting so calm? “What are you two doing, exactly?" he asked. "Actually, scratch that, I honestly don't care. Just leave my name out of it.”

Minori was unaffected by his caustic remarks and had simply smiled at him. “Don't worry Kaoru, there's no way you could be the father, seeing as we've determined that you're a powerbottom.”

He wasn't sure what Minori meant by that, but the look on Minori's face was enough to both anger him and imply that it wasn't something that he was going to like. “A powerbottom? And just what does that mean?” asked the doctor. He looked carefully and saw his name written next to Rui's. Michio halted his writing and leaned in to give him a concise and overly formal explanation, which only angered him even more. “I'll have you know that I'm perfectly capable of impregnating Teru.” said Kaoru.

Minori's eyes shone. “So you're saying you're a prime suspect?”

His words sprung like a beartrap. Kaoru was frustrated at having been so effortlessly outplayed that he simply went off to be emo in a corner. Asselin was there.

"Ah, do you plan to manifest your dark soul at the dim corner of these chambers as well?"

"Don't talk to me."

"Okay."

The two sat in silence. 

“I have finished.” said Michio. The chart was finally complete. An isolated square hung in the bottom corner of the whiteboard, describing Makio as a “cakesexual”. He had no objections. The large group of men formed a semicircle around the board as they checked whatever bizarre category it was that they belonged in. 

Ryu went over to Hideo and whispered in his ear, failing once again at trying to be stealthy.

"I... I'm a twink?!" exclaimed Hideo in anguish, all of his difficult training to be on the same level as his unitmates invalidated. Ryu began to pat his friend's back. "Don't worry, that just means that you're like those guys in Seiji's sport videos!" Seiji was right behind him.

Back in the center of the room Teru continued to wail in distress. He'd hate to admit it, but all of the attention and praise from being pregnant wasn't too bad, and now that most of the room was clustered in front of a whiteboard and not him, he was starting to get lonely. His calls were answered with the appearance of Tsubasa, who spread his arms like an excited child. 

"Teru, look! Sora's selling shirts to congratulate you!" he shouted. On the front of the shirt were the words, printed in bold colors, "LAWYER... AND A MOM?!" Teru made visual contact with the shirt and blacked out at having sustained severe damage to his few remaining brain cells. 

Kaoru looked at Tsubasa in silent disgust, spurring Tsubasa into continuing his attempts at sharing his happiness with his friends. "Don't worry Kaoru, I bought one for you too!" he unfolded a shirt from a pile and held it up to show off the design. It was a stock photo of a woman holding a baby, but with Teru's head poorly edited onto her body. The baby had chin hairs.

Kaoru sneered at the surprise visual attack. "Tsubasa, Don't waste your money stupid things!" 

"But Kaoru, they said you were a powerbottom. You don't need to worry."

Teru tilted his head up. "Hah!" he shouted. He went back to being unconscious.

Tsubasa folded it and set it back on the chair in a gentle and caring manner. "They're so nice, you know. Michio said that I have 'cake'!" 

It was impossible to stop the pure hearted Tsubasa in his tracks, and he wasn't giving up just yet. "I even bought a special limited edition doll of you!" He carefully stepped over Ryu's strangled corpse and picked up a poorly sewn doll with flaming red hair. On its back was a string that Tsubasa excitedly pulled, causing a low quality recording to play from the inside.

"My name is Teru Tendo, and I make poor life decisions." 

Teru quickly identified the serious voice as Amehiko's. He used his remaining energy reserves on staring hatefully at the former janitor. Amehiko beamed with pride at the plush. "An actor must learn to take on all sorts of roles, mister Tendo."

At this point the producer was reaching his breaking point from having to put up with such a high amount of buffoonery, and things were going to get worse unless he found a way to cool down. He walked over to the mini fridge to enjoy a nice pouch of stamina jelly, a deliciously refreshing snack adorned in various suspicious numbers. And yet he stood there, dumbfounded. Not a single stamina jelly was inside. Not even the weird red ones that detonated after ten days. 

The producer took a deep breath and mulled things over in his mind. His eyebrows shot up in surprise as he silently came to a huge realization. He approached Teru, making no effort to hide the look of anger on his face.

"Teru Tendo, did you eat my stamina jelly?" 

Teru squirmed in his seat at the pressure. The question was heavy and blunt, like a metal axe made of words. His tongue moved around before settling on his defense.

"I... I might have..." he squeaked. 

The producer immediately let out an enormous sigh of both relief and disappointment. "Alright, so that's what happened." he said, to no one but himself. He spoke to Teru in a softer tone that hadn't managed to lose an ounce of intimidation. "And what were you wearing while you ate it?"

"W-Well, you see, I was really hungry but I didn't want to get my suit dirty, and, ehm..."

"You ate them in your underwear?"

"A-About that, you see-"

"They were your special lawyer underwear?" said Tsubasa, shredding any brief amount of seriousness that this conversation could have had. Even Kaoru was speechless. 

"Well, I was, but I also didn't want to get those dirty either, so, I..." The producer´s eyes were practically burning a hole through his mind and it was obvious that everyone knew what had happened. Teru still needed to place the final piece in the puzzle, however.

"I ate them naked! I didn't want to do it but I did! Please forgive me producer!!" 

Teru was shouting in the sincere and shameless way that only he could. Kaoru stopped judging him and began to judge the producer instead. "Just what is [i]in[/i] those things?" he asked angrily. He went back to judging Teru out of habit. 

"Well," said the producer, "There's a reason why I've hired Ken."

All eyes turned to the now unchained secretary, who was currently gutting a live fish on top of a table.

"And it's not because he's competent!"

Everyone who was participating in the conversation let out a hearty laugh that soon spread to the rest of the room. Teru joined in, but then stopped. 

"W-Wait guys, this doesn't change the fact that I'm pregnant now." He was swiveling his head left to right in desperation, his pleas drowned out by the cheering mass around him. 

"Guys? GUYS?? HELLO??! I'M STILL PREGNANT?!!" He was ignored completely. 

Tsubasa wiped a tear of laughter from his cheek and called for everyone's attention. "We did it everyone! Let's all jump at the same time! Freeze frame!"

All the idols in the room jumped and froze in middair except for Teru, whose shouts grew increasingly loud and frantic. Even Kirio, who remained locked inside of a dog crate, was somehow suspended several meters in the air. Everyone continued to live happily ever after, the end.


End file.
